I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
