Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
