I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
