Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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