It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
