I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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