I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
