just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
