I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
