Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
