too bad you live with your parents still
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
