There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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