This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
