I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
