I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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