How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
