BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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