Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
