I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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