Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
