I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
