Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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