Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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