u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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