you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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