morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
