I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
