He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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