i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
