Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
