well I can't set my house on fire every night
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
