Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
