9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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