There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
