I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
