I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
