I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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