Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
