I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
