I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
