this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
