I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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