Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
