SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
