everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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