Will you blow on my dice?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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