I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
