Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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