Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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