Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
