im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
