Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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